What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 02:57
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
If you could instantly cancel one social norm, what would it be?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What can I do to deal with disrespectful children?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Would this be the day?
What is the degree of influence of Saudi Wahhabism on the modern Muslim world?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was in good health!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Are people who cite the 2nd Amendment honestly familiar with what it establishes?
Im still living with it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Ive learnt so much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Do countries with free health care generally have co-pays or deductibles to discourage use?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Can an astrologer predict that someone is in a physical relationship before marriage?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
All the time i was locked up.
But, we were locked up after school.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My life is so biszare .
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And i lived it daily.
My family never makes their pension either.
We were not on the streets..
So, i spoilt her more .
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
It was going to be , some day.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She loved him until the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was seconnd youngest,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I said to her
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He knew the spot.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was very sick at this time too.
When she asked me how she looked .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I will be 64.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She found it foreign!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I write beautiful poetry .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot live in the past .
This is soul school!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We all went to grammer schools
So whats the point in blame.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was scared of men, in general
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it wasn’t much.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He resisted the act ,that day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I have no regrets .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!